I have been thinking and thinking about this -- feel free to just skip over this blog post -- it's just something that I need to put in writing so that it doesn't spew out of my mouth at some inappropriate time. My blog helps me to write out some of the things that spin around and around in my head so that they can get out on "paper," and leave me alone.
So, this is not a typical post from me, but it just has to be done. Sorry.
Okay...so here's what has my panties in a bind, as they say.
There's an annual event that we attend. A few years ago, the event organizer was super busy in her life. I thought that I was being really kind, and I offered to host the event. And, honestly, I was also excited. I had never organized it before, and I anxiously awaited her getting back to me to tell me that it was a relief to not have to organize it and that she would be happy for me to do it.
That was not the response I got.
I got a response that made me embarrassed for having offered. I was told that she would just make some changes, but that she was going to organize it because only particular people can organize it, or it's just not the same. (The funny thing was, I knew this wasn't true, based on stories I had previously heard from the event organizer. This made me feel even worse.)
Really...I'm not one for holding grudges much. There doesn't seem to be much point in it. It just makes the grudge holder feel bad, and doesn't seem to do much to the person that you are upset with. So, let's just say this isn't a grudge. It was more of a hurt/embarrassed thing that sticks with you. You know those, right? The ones you remember 25 years later, even though you were only 6 years old when they happened, just because of the emotion attached to it.
Anyway, as promised, the event went as planned.
I never offered to organize it again. The message was received.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago, I received friendly notice from someone I know. She is organizing the annual event.
Do you know what?
She is not one of those particular people that the organizer talked about when she turned me down.
It seems like it is so many years ago that it shouldn't matter. But, it makes me feel that same embarrassment that I felt when it first happened. And, it feels like I got that same message again. Only this time, the message is, "It's just that you can't organize it. You may pretend like you are part of our circle, but you're not. Accept it."
I guess when you couple that with the fact that there are sometimes more events and we just don't get invited, I think I have begun to accept it. I don't really understand it, but I accept it.
You can't be part of every circle that you want to be part of, no matter how you try. That's just life.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Just Accept It Already. Not Everyone Wants To Be Your Friend.
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14 comments:
Aww, Angie! I hate that happened to you! Here you were, being nice, and that's the thanks you got. Some people. Just think: You don't have to stress over the event at all.
You know, it may not be anything to do with "you" either. It could be that the organizer used to be under the impression that only certain people could organize the event, such as when I was a Jaycee and only certain officers were allowed to "chair" the haunted house each year.
It could also be that the person who turned you down before did it because they felt you were already overwhelmed because of things that were going on in your life at that time.
Lastly, there may be a new head honcho in town. :) I am betting this isn't a slap to you in any way.
I remember once where a girl who had gone to high school with me told me what a stuck up *^%#@ I was in high school.
What she didn't know is that I was not only painfully shy in HS, I was also raised in a physically abusive environment that caused me to keep my head down to hide bruises on my neck (covered with long hair) and on my face (covered mostly by makeup).
Here was this girl telling me how awful I was when all I really did was try to hide bad things going on in my life. :(
I'm so sorry you are going through this.
We were having a discussion about this one time on a message board - those people who on paper should match up with you and there isn't a "spark".
As my priest said, Jesus said to love everyone, but you don't have to like some.
Hugs.
This sounds so high schoolish, with a veneer of adult politenss. I hope you can still enjoy attending this event. Hugs!
Angie, I'm so sorry this happened to you. I hate it when our service backfires. It has happened to me more than I'd like to admit. Ugh! Anyway, I have had feelings akin to this, and I feel for you. I hurt for you!
I think we can all relate to this in some way or another. It's good to get it out on "paper" as you said, though. There are so many things I've wanted {um, I want} to get out, too... but I've learned from past experience that the emails and phone calls from certain friends and family will come soon after I hit "publish." *sigh*
I hope you and your hubby will still have an enjoyable time at the event, despite the past memories attached to it!
I have never played well with adults as concerns church-organized functions and committees. I haven't tested this "truth" yet at my own parish, but I know the fact that I am already known as a "conservative" may create some issues when I finally do. You're right, you can't please everyone and get along with everyone.
You can accept it, but that still doesn't take away the sting. Been there. It feels SO 7th grade, even in my 40s....but it still stings.
You have shown to your readers what an expert organizer you are! This person sounds like a real control freak. I bet she will be pretty critical of whoever is trying to fill her shoes now. You are better off knowing now that this particular circle is not a good fit for you! When people embrace you for your particular talents you will know you belong there.
Oh, I know how you feel. I think we've all been there! Doesn't make it hurt any less, though.
Oh, Angie. I think all women deal with this to some extent. (Sometimes I feel like this in the blog world- shh!) I was talking to my mom the other day about why women sometimes are unable to see others succeed. I feel certain this woman was trying to hold on to her "status" in the organization, and it really has nothing to do with you, although it will still feel like it!
Thanks for sharing, because sometimes it feels like I'm the only one dealing with these type of issues!
I understand this totally! When it happens, it does hurt, even as an adult. We have a group of mothers at our school that seem to be this very same way. They are the ones that are always in charge of things and they choose who to pass the baton too. Someone recently called them the "Prada Moms". I guess that is my problem, I am only a "Target Mom".
Hopefully you will still be able to enjoy your event.
Hi Angie. Maybe it was the Event Planner who was insulted that you offered to do it? She sounds like a difficult person to try to avoid. Like Nomadic said above, you just never know what is going on in someone's life.
You're smart to back away and take the healthy dose of humility. They sure are tough to swallow - but a good sacrifice.
The feeling of "not good enough" hits me once in a while too. But what I think is that I am doing my best, I have many talents, and I believe I am serving Christ as He has called me. Sometimes if that feeling hits, I conclude that maybe that is not where Christ wanted me at that time anyway....and if you don't really enjoy attending the event, maybe its not meant to be. You are a gift to so many, don't let one give you doubts.
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